Family dramas arise from time to time. People change. Events occur that reveal differences. Disappointments can lead to hurtful words and spread emotional toxicity across the family.
COVID or no COVID, most people simply don't really know who or what they are. They are defined by the roles and identities they have somehow acquired, in order to feel secure in life. Some of these roles may be defined by their work, achievements, groups and family dynamic they belong to. Such people, when they then "fall out of" those roles (retire) when approaching the last phase of their natural lives, with dwindling time remaining, then struggle desperately to cling onto anything that was part of what defined their former roles. Otherwise they feel lost as they had not created for themselves a separate enduring and fundamental persona that is independent of their formal roles and thus they now have great difficulty redefining themselves a new (superficial) role(s). Since you represent a major anchor for your siblings' connection to their identities, any change you attempt to make in your dynamic interactions with them will come across as threatening. My father was like that and my siblings had similar issues, were very different from me, but thankfully, we did share some personal interests and our relationships were thus not overly fragile. Sometimes you have to just minimize contact with people who cannot help themselves... because you, as a primary party, cannot act as an unimpassioned expert observer or therapist. This is a bit like quantum mechanics, if you know what I mean.
Sadly your beautifully written article is probably true of most families after covid. Most people do not have a curious mind, which you possess, so it is hard for them to understand and have to stop thinking because they get lost. You have evolved and they have not. So don't feel bad, we can choose our friends but not our family.
Thanks for your comments.. It’s a sad reality for many of us whose families have evolved in different directions. I have accepted this reality because I can’t change it. I have many friends who accept me as I am and for this I am grateful.
Thank you for sharing your story Gene. These are difficult times for many and what you articulated really spoke to me, as I am sure it will with many others. It is difficult when we want to be real and respected for who we really are and it feels like rejection when others (friends and or family) don't want to talk about our topics or issues of substance. I have experienced this myself and it hurts. It has shown me that I cannot be real with those people. Even though some of these relationships are familial, unfortunately they are fading and naturally I just keep my distance. These relationships also require energy, and that is limited these days. To be honest, I am becoming desensitized to them as I refuse to change who I am for others to be comfortable. It is sad, really sad and sometimes it almost feels like I am dealing with grief. Time is precious so all I would say is: you do you and be your authentic self. Let them face their own realities as you face yours, especially as an excellent example for your sweet grandchild. I truly enjoy reading your Substacks, as they sometimes force me to think about things, sometimes outside of my comfort zone. :)
COVID or no COVID, most people simply don't really know who or what they are. They are defined by the roles and identities they have somehow acquired, in order to feel secure in life. Some of these roles may be defined by their work, achievements, groups and family dynamic they belong to. Such people, when they then "fall out of" those roles (retire) when approaching the last phase of their natural lives, with dwindling time remaining, then struggle desperately to cling onto anything that was part of what defined their former roles. Otherwise they feel lost as they had not created for themselves a separate enduring and fundamental persona that is independent of their formal roles and thus they now have great difficulty redefining themselves a new (superficial) role(s). Since you represent a major anchor for your siblings' connection to their identities, any change you attempt to make in your dynamic interactions with them will come across as threatening. My father was like that and my siblings had similar issues, were very different from me, but thankfully, we did share some personal interests and our relationships were thus not overly fragile. Sometimes you have to just minimize contact with people who cannot help themselves... because you, as a primary party, cannot act as an unimpassioned expert observer or therapist. This is a bit like quantum mechanics, if you know what I mean.
Thanks for you comments. Schrödinger’s Cat would give your insight a “paws up”.
Sadly your beautifully written article is probably true of most families after covid. Most people do not have a curious mind, which you possess, so it is hard for them to understand and have to stop thinking because they get lost. You have evolved and they have not. So don't feel bad, we can choose our friends but not our family.
Thanks for your comments.. It’s a sad reality for many of us whose families have evolved in different directions. I have accepted this reality because I can’t change it. I have many friends who accept me as I am and for this I am grateful.
Thank you for sharing your story Gene. These are difficult times for many and what you articulated really spoke to me, as I am sure it will with many others. It is difficult when we want to be real and respected for who we really are and it feels like rejection when others (friends and or family) don't want to talk about our topics or issues of substance. I have experienced this myself and it hurts. It has shown me that I cannot be real with those people. Even though some of these relationships are familial, unfortunately they are fading and naturally I just keep my distance. These relationships also require energy, and that is limited these days. To be honest, I am becoming desensitized to them as I refuse to change who I am for others to be comfortable. It is sad, really sad and sometimes it almost feels like I am dealing with grief. Time is precious so all I would say is: you do you and be your authentic self. Let them face their own realities as you face yours, especially as an excellent example for your sweet grandchild. I truly enjoy reading your Substacks, as they sometimes force me to think about things, sometimes outside of my comfort zone. :)